Two Sentence Horror Stories (Netflix Review)
Going into this I don’t know what I expected but I certainly didn’t expect it to be good. I also didn’t expect it to be as incredibly bad as it turned out to be. I mean, I gave it a chance like I give anything but the premise from the start is really shaky.
I’m assuming people know about the concept of Two Sentence Horror Stories which has been a thing long before the CW tried to make a whole series out of it. If you aren’t familiar with the idea, it’s to tell a horror story in only two sentences. Sounds easy but it really isn’t. Here are some examples just by using the power of Google to search (Most of what you’ll find is from Reddit by the way).
I could keep going with these because there are a lot of them, and a lot of them are very good. Of course, a lot of them are very bad but the point is that the entire story is told within two sentences. You don’t really need more than what is presented and you definitely do not need to stretch it into a 20-minute horror story because that defeats the purpose.
This is what the premise of Two Sentence Horror Stories is. Originally, it aired (or still airs) on the CW which is when I first caught it. At the time I thought, man there is no way this will last, yet checking on Netflix recently they have a season two. Who is watching this? Why? What is the audience? I mean literally, none of them have been good and I have watched most of them just trying to see what the appeal is.
The problem is exactly what I have stated, that they are unnecessarily stretching out a story that doesn’t need explanation. You don’t need additional information to make the vast majority of these stories scary and in some cases, the two sentences they use were already stupid enough and not scary. In those episodes they really have to invent some bullshit to try to put the chill into you but it just doesn’t work. I’ll give an example but this will include spoilers so if you don’t want to be spoiled (and for some reason would like to watch this awful show for yourself) don’t read any further.
“She was stiff and cold in my arms. Then the doll blinked.”
That is the premise of the very first episode, that story. The huge problem with it is that the filler material of the episode doesn’t make sense to the story. What they show in the episode is a woman who goes on blind dates and doesn’t let her dates know about her baby because at first, she seems overprotective as a mother. Then she meets some dude who is all stab-happy killing single moms who sleep around. After that point, she ends up stabbing the guy and making him into a doll because you find out that her baby is just a doll or is actually her miscarried fetus or something. Did we really need all of this to fill out those two sentences and does it even make sense? The answer is no and no. If you still aren’t with me, let’s move on to an even dumber episode called Squirm.
“I felt my skin crawl. Then I saw the head of the worm push through.”
This, on its own, is scary enough and a full story. I mean, I suppose you could add a little more, but the idea of a bug or worm inside of you poking out randomly is terrifying enough. How much more background do you need? Apparently, you need a 20-minute story about a horrible boss that puts tapeworms inside of you because…reasons? Like, I mean it’s a terribly gross episode that overly explains this premise without making much sense. You also have to watch the characters be idiots the entire time. None of these girls thinks to report this boss for sexual misconduct or anything like that. He apparently has a lot of victims that he’s drugged and assaulted and then left tapeworms inside of and all these girls know it but none of them have quit, none of them have gone to the police, none of them have done anything. The episode ends with the main girl getting back at the boss by giving him worms. Okay….?
You can choose any episode on this list and you will get the same exact thing over and over. A decent two-sentence horror story that stands on its own and doesn’t need further explanation and then an entire 20 minutes of bullshit to “explain” the two sentences. As if this is needed, anywhere, at all. Who asked for this? No one. I don’t even know who is watching this and giving it good reviews but right now it has three seasons. I have no complaints against the two-sentence horror story method of delivery, I have everything against milking a dead cow for horror. When there is already tons of original horror content out there, on the internet and otherwise, do we really need to be making crappy TV shows like this? If people would just stop watching then maybe we could move on to a better era of horror. As for now, it seems like we are stuck in an awful rut because I guess everyone forgot what true horror is supposed to be about.